Are You a Light In Their Darkness

Did you enjoy last week’s ‘paper’ newsletter? I haven’t done a PDF newsletter in YEARS and it was great to put one together for you with everything that happened in September and everything coming up in October.

(if you missed it, make sure you’re on the list – that’s where I share my heart and best business tips with you every week)

There’s a lot going on! This week, I’m running the ‘Breathe Life Back into Your Facebook Business Page Challenge’ and today I’m doing the Monthly and Q3 HARVESTs in the Seasons of Success group.

Lots and lots of live video for me this week – and that’s moving me closer to my goal of getting really good at live video. For me, it’s a wonderful gift that we CAN get better at the things we choose to improve – even though the actual doing and learning of the new thing can be irritating and even scary at times.

What’s the new thing you’re working on in your world these days? Let me know so I can cheer you on.

Writing About Pain for Your Business

Okay! Speaking of new things, two weeks ago we started talking about writing for your business and, if you remember, we specifically talked about how you have to take your Ideal Clients on a journey from Pain to Pleasure.

How’s that been working for you? Have you laid out your journey?

Today, we’re going to build on that by addressing one of the biggest problems that I see with my clients when they’re learning how to write to sell:

“But, Vanessa… I don’t want to talk about the Pain. I want to stay in positive vibes and lift them up! And I really, really don’t want to hurt them by making them feel Pain! Doesn’t that make me bad?”

Oh! This is a BIG one!!

(does it feel familiar?)

Y’see, we start by talking about the PAIN that our Ideal Clients are in when we meet them.

Leading with Pain Shows Them We Get It

It has been proven, time and time again, that leading with Pain and the Problem results in better sales than leading with Pleasure and the Benefits.

And, when you’re a lightworker or soulpreneur, this can be SO hard!

I get it. I do. When you’re here to make the world a better place and you understand the power of your thoughts and the energy you put out, going into the negative and dark places – into the Shadow – can feel… damaging.

And, when you’ve done your work to create a positive mental attitude, you want to focus on staying there, not diving into the ocean that is other people’s Pain.

(…and, sadly, it’s often the case that we haven’t done our own work and so we’re avoiding triggering our own wounding by avoiding the Pain, but that’s a different conversation…)

But, despite our desire to stay bright and sunny and positive vibe, we’re constantly told to ‘go negative’ and ‘get into the Pain’.

How do we reconcile the two sides?

Showing Them Their Pain IS Being Kind

Well, for me, helping people to get in touch with their Pain IS an ultimate kindness. Repression and denial are not healthy and they will never make us whole. And getting my people to divine alignment is my primary focus. 

That means going into their Pain with them. It means shining a light on their Pain and saying, ‘Hey! Have you looked at this lately? You might want to look over here!’

When we speak to their Pain, it allows them to identify with what we’re describing. To say, ‘Yeah! That’s me! Ohh lordy, yeah! That’s me!’

Do you see? We’re not giving them Pain, we’re not making them feel pain, we’re helping them to see the Pain that they already have and are dealing with – or numbing out! – every moment of every day. We’re helping them to get really real with what is going on in their lives.

Once we’ve met them where they are – in their Pain – then we show them what is possible – that’s the Pleasure.

People Invest to Get Away from Their Pain

Does that make sense? This is so important. You’ve really got to wrap your hands around this:

People do not typically invest in transformation for what is working perfectly in their lives.

If you have a great marriage, you’re unlikely to invest a significant amount of time and money to make it better.

(…as a Relationship Coach, I wish people *would* invest when it was good, but, that’s a different story. What you need to get is that, typically, they don’t.)

Why? Why don’t we invest in what’s good?

Our Unconscious Mind is Programmed to Find Danger

Because our Unconscious Mind is designed to recognize danger. To tell us about and focus us on– what’s wrong. Because what’s wrong is where the danger is coming from.

So, the vast majority of people are walking around with internal alarm bells ringing about what’s not right.

All. The. Time.

And because we’re so used to those alarm bells ringing, we can tolerate a whole lot of them. Typically, we can handle a lot of internal noise.

While those alarm bells are ringing, people will engage in all sorts of numbing, addictive behaviours to drown them out. That’s where we see shopping, sex, drinking, smoking, gaming, etc. being used to distract us from the noise.

(Interestingly, very successful people have a much lower tolerance threshold for that type of internal noise and that’s why they’ll seek help sooner!)

Tipped Into Action and Seeking Help

It’s only when the noise passes our own personal threshold that we’re driven to seek help – that we’re tipped into action.

For most people, it’s only when we ‘can’t stand it for one more moment’ that we’ll go get help. It’s what drives us to the self-help section of the bookstore, to healers, to the Internet, and, yes, to coaches and other helping professionals to help us figure out what’s going on and how to change it.

This is a sacred moment.


For me, when someone actually breaks out of their chains and reaches out for help, I treat it as a holy moment. A sacred opportunity to bring one more soul to liberation.

To help one more spark of the Divine to truly see that they are Divine and that there is a plan and that there is hope and a path.

I take creating safe space for them very seriously. 

You’ve Got to Start with Pain

So, this person has broken out of their numbness enough to reach out. That is huge.

Why will they reach out to you? Because you’re speaking their language. You’re using the same words that they use in their head when the alarms are ringing.

Put simply, the way that you’ll initially connect with your next Ideal Client is by painting a clear picture of the Pain that they’re experiencing.

A picture so clear that they feel seen and heard. That they feel a shift in their body, they take a deep breath, and they relax.

When you’ve done you’re job correctly, your Ideal Client will feel better about their world just by having their pain described with crystal clarity.


‘Phew! It’s Not Just Me!’

Because they’ll feel known. And accepted. They’ll think, ‘it’s not just me. I’m not broken. I’m not a freak.’ 

‘It’s not just me.’

When you’re in the pits of despair, it’s easy to think that there must be something desperately wrong with you.

And you feel alone.

It can be terrifying. And so filled with shame. 

You Can Be The Light in the Darkness

When your Ideal Client finds your words describing their Pain with crystal clarity, their transformation has already begun. Instantly.

Suddenly, they know they’re not alone. They know that there’s hope.

It’s like you’ve shown up in their darkness with a flashlight and you smile and say,

‘Oh! Hey there, gorgeous! Whatcha doin’ down here? I know a way up, if you’re interested?’

And when they accept your friendly invitation, you join hands and start walking to the light.

It’s the best job in the world.

You. You, you gorgeous world-builder you, can be a light in the darkness to others.

But only if you’re willing to get to know the darkness really well.

Only if you’re willing to get to know the darkness so well that walking through it is like walking around your own backyard.

Are you in? Are you ready to change the world? To build a new world where we’re not trapped in shadows and shame?

Does it make sense now why we have to talk about Pain?

Let me know. Just hit Reply and send me your thoughts. I love to hear from you. 😘

Next week, we’ll talk about painting the other part of the picture with Pleasure and Benefits.

Remember: You’re here to build a new world.

And we’re here to help.

You don’t have to do it alone.

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